There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
