i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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