yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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