I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
