bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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