he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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