If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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