I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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