Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
