my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
