Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
be right there i have to get my cape
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
