I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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