The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
