mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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