Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
