everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize