How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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