I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
