It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
