I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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