I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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