the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
