And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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