i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
