Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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