have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
