Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A+ Viking dick
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize