At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize