If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
