Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
