Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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