Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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