There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
