I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
