I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
