Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
