Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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