Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
