he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
