Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
