I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize