And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
