Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
