Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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