My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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