Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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