Will you blow on my dice?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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