i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
