no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
