I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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