first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
