So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
