i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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