y did u give ur computer a hand job?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
