Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think I sprained my soul last night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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