I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize