I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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