Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
