I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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