We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize