PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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