need another drink. this is the easiest way
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
