Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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