just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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