If that was your dad, he is hot
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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