I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
