Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
