Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
