Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize